Hello Fellow Humans and Faithful Readers,
It's a Saturday Night - 11:30 PM , 28th February 2015. I'm sure most of you are out having a blast and living up your weekend with your loved ones and friends. Good for you !!!!
I , on the other hand am sat home tonight , suddenly coerced by my current surroundings to Blog on this warm and breezy night.
Sat here, with a cup of Twinings best tea, I reflect on my very short life of 26 years out of which 12 were great , 11 were traumatic and the very recent 3, Humbling and Blessed.
I can't get down to the very detail of it but let's just say some experiences in my life had left me feeling worthless in my own skin, unsettled in my own mind, had me looking down on myself for years on end, had me doubting every move I made, and made me lose my shine and charm everyone said I had as a young girl.
From Judgemental People within the family circle , to friends and teachers who thought I was a lost cause and then to significant others who deemed me Listless and Clueless.
My most developmental years were spent in a place that was very different to my upbringing, moorings and ideals and put me into a place of absolute confusion and darkness. I was crying out for help by acting out in a million different ways but I was too young, confused and lost to express myself perfectly and neither could those around me remotely fathom what I was going through.
I decided to begin living an independent life at a bright age of 17 . Just out of high school, I started working a full time job while putting myself through a college degree via correspondence.
I worked well and did myself proud and was never looked at in the light of a simple high school grad even on the day I went for my first interview at a multinational computer technology company and got accepted the same day, might I add.
That day, I was a young lady full of gusto & confidence ready to take on this corporate life and everything else that came along with it. I started work the very next day.
During this time, I worked hard to make end's meet. One doesn't get paid those fat cheques when all you have is a high school certificate. I lived in a 100 Sq/Ft One bedroom (literally one bedroom with a bed and a study table and an attached bathroom). Friends and Family who knew me/raised me in the life I had, were quite shocked when they saw me living this life for obvious reasons. I, on the other hand was a far cry away from giving up on the life I started.
I admit , there were tough times and difficult days when I thought, I might have made the wrong choice but there was always a voice inside my head telling me "This too shall pass" and so it did.
There were days when all I had were a few bucks and half a month to get through. There were days when I didn't have enough to eat full meals or money to buy myself bottled mineral water and days when all I lived was on a packet of chips and some pickles because it was the cheapest food available. I'm sure this gives you an idea of my financial status.
However, at the end of each day, I was at peace with myself.
Years went on this way . In a couple years, I landed a better job with a better pay , moved into a bigger place, one that had a kitchen and a little living room and Alas !! I couldn't have felt happier.
I had just entered my 20's and life seemed good. I had sorted things out with my family and they were starting to accept the life I'd chosen for myself.
Tough days were ahead. My little world that comprised of my job mostly and a few loved ones, didn't seem to give me complete satisfaction and I looked for inspiration at every nook and cranny.
Friends, Guys of Interest weren't any source of inspiration . One really gets to know who their real friends and loved one's are in Trying Times.
I then found inspiration from things and those I loved and those things that made me happy. At the end of the day, it most certainly is about being happy and content. Don't you think ?
I got back into music. Music and singing was, is and will always be one passion of mine that always get's me feeling better about life.
Later, I started feeling a strong spiritual vacuum and I restarted living a spiritually conscious life. A life where you give more than you take, A life where you find solace in the simple things and the gift of this Life itself. I think this was a stage in my life that really changed things around for me.
The good stayed. The worst I kicked out.
I was at more peace with myself and the world around me because I no more blamed circumstances, people and situations.
I exercised Strong Faith, Hoped all Things and Loved all Things.
I'm sure there are millions out there who've been through worse or been through more trying times and situations than I have but I always seem to come across quite a few or get a sense that there are still some humans out there like you and me who accept their
LOT in life and feel they've got to live with it just because that's what they've been served.
I've learned, Life is what
YOU make of it and not what it tries to make of you. There is
ALWAYS a
WAY to set things right and take control of your own life even if you've been served unfairly.
I've heard many people say and quote so proudly:
"When Life gives you Lemons , You make Lemonade"(What a load of Crap!!)
I Say, When Life gives you Lemons, Don't Make Lemonade. GET MAD !! and Yell !!
"I don't want your damn lemons. What am I supposed to do with these? **** your Lemons.
All the lemon's I got served ; I didn't accept them and Hell! I didn't make lemonade. I threw them back at the Rue that served them and worked towards getting me some serious Apples and Oranges and then some....
Took me time and still takes me time but I always find me a shiny sweet apple or a bold orange.
Today, I am Happy, I am Content, I Love and I Live.
All in All, each lemon and each experience made me stronger, wiser, tougher, better, kinder and most of all , made me realize how important it is to Love and Live.
Without Love, Self Sacrificing Love, Hopeless Love, Unconditional Love and THE WILL TO LIVE, You are Nada.
It is now, 2:30 AM and although it seems like I could go on, it's only fair that I close this post now.
Until next time I leave you with this :
Love,
Frieda