Why "WE" Smart Women Make DUMB "MEN" choices.

Goodevening, Guten Tag and Masah Al Khair.. Specially to ALLLL my Ladies out there today !!!

Number 1 - Before you attack and question me on why I just admitted the thought that "SMART Woman Make Dumb "MEN" choices" ... Let me just say, this does not apply to all and even if it does to YOU then there is a reason and the reasons make sense.. 

Number 2 - Men!!! Don't go all Kung-Fu-Fighting on me..Our CHOICES are dumb.. not YOU (well not most of the time).

How many of us smart, educated, independent, glamorous, self-made, hot-to-trot women end up with men who cannot handle the attributes and character I just mentioned present in a woman??

I know I was one of them and I know many friends and others out there on the same boat.. 

Note: I said I WAS one of them.. Which obviously means I did something about it and I'm urging all you lovely ladies out there to do so as well.

I also want to stress that I in no way am insinuating that average women, with average life-styles or those who aren't much OUT there end up with great men all the time.. It basically depends from woman to woman and man to man..However, there is a major rise in the number of independent,smart,well-off women facing multiple relationship issues more than a regular Girl-next-door kind of woman faces.

Reasons I feel contribute to the latter :

1. Smart, Independent, Enterprising, Intelligent Women rule the roost at work. Outside our work environment, we crave a certain type of attention which includes a husband or a boyfriend taking charge of things and sometimes backfires on us.
2. Many Women who are very Enterprising, Corporate material, Self-made Businesswomen or just Women in general who have strong characters, charming personalities and self-made minds lack mental or emotional instability. Again, this is not an epidemic, this applies to women like me and others out there battling through their everyday relationship issues. 
3. Interestingly -  WE DON'T LIKE TO ASK FOR HELP. In a very interesting article I read a while ago, a literary critic and writer Nilanjana Roy questions "the prevailing culture which insists that the beautiful and the successful should be placed under the burden of also having to be flawless — why they can't always ask for or get the help and support they need. We still live in a society where it's considered a sign of weakness to ask for help, or to admit to having problems.                               "The surface counts for more than what's going on inside, and that burden is doubled for the beautiful and the successful." (I'm going to come back to this emphatic point in the latter part of my write-up)
4. Many such women suffer from emotional insecurity and are looking for easy ways to fulfil their emotional, psychological and physical needs , not knowing the unseen damage they are doing to themselves in the process.
5. Some women fitting this particular profile do not have many REAL friends. Their associations are limited to professional surroundings, social gatherings, family occasions and otherwise random associations which sometimes spurt out frequently but die out in short periods again.
6. Many of us Fail in the first step of our male friend/partner/mate search.                           THE WRONG KIND OF MEN ATTRACT US or WE EASILY FALL INTO THE TRAP OF RIDICULOUSLY ROMANTIC LOVERS.  (I will be coming back to this emphatic point in the later part of this article).
7. We try to substitute LOVE and Emotional Security through Monetary pleasures, Material possessions, Alcohol (Woohooooo!!!), Arm Candy (High Five!!!),  and temporary friendships with people we have nothing in common with.
8. If in case we're not substituting, we go the long haul and end up in serious relationships which put us through various highs and lows with overly possessive, strong character, Father Like, dictating MEN WHO JUST CANNOT HANDLE YOU. (I will come back to this emphatic point soon)
9. Another important contributor to this is WE WOMEN LACK AN EMOTIONAL VENT. Vents can come in various forms, it could be a Sport, could be the Gym, could be Movies and Popcorn, could be THERAPY, could be Timed Vacations, could be SPIRITUAL GOALS, could be Writing a BOOK, could be Baking, could be Community Service, could be a PET etc etc. 
10. Last but not the least, not giving yourself enough space and time to understand that there is someone out there who can handle someone as strong-willed, as dynamic as awesome as you, yet someone who can bring out the lady, the lover, the woman, the little girl, the caring and loving side in you.

How Much Sense Does This Picture Quote Make To You ???

I had mentioned above a few emphatic points I was going to return to and elaborate on a little so here they are - (Each point is not being mentioned here as advice but just to get my thoughts out there based on experiences and lots of chats with other women going through the same everyday).

•  "THE SURFACE COUNTS FOR MORE THAN WHATS GOING ON INSIDE, AND THAT BURDEN IS DOUBLED FOR THE BEAUTIFUL AND THE SUCCESSFUL"

What does the above statement mean ?? It means that a woman's outward appearance (her smile, her hair, her body, her laugh,her voice, her speech, her clothing) do not accurately present what is truly going on inside her. 

She could be sporting a 100 watt Smile, she could be decked up looking happy and radiant in her new Versace dress.. but she could be crying for help on the inside. She could be craving love and attention. Maybe she just wants someone to GET HER today. Maybe she would for once in her life not need to be in control of every second. Maybe she just needs a KISS or a HUG from someone warm and compassionate.

Maybe all she expects from her husband is a bunch of flowers for no specific reason but just because SHE IS .

Maybe she just wants to be understood and not condemned or not questioned and not cornered every minute she makes a statement or makes a bold move. 

Maybe she just wants to be Loved and Supported. For once maybe she doesn't need the criticism she's been getting all her life from her father, to her brother, to her peers, to her boyfriends, to her colleagues, to her boss and now from her partner.

Maybe SHE JUST WANTS YOU TO UNDERSTAND.

•  "THE WRONG KIND OF MEN ATTRACT US or WE EASILY FALL INTO THE TRAP OF RIDICULOUSLY ROMANTIC LOVERS. "

Wrong Kind of MAN ? holler..holler..holler !!! (I know don't get me wrong)

There is a wrong type of man for every woman & a wrong type of woman for every man. 

How can you determine the Wrong/Right kind of man for you ??

• What do you have in common? Like seriously besides the same food, same faith, same hangouts and the same friends.
• Does he have the same attributes or resemble the same guy you last had a failed relationship with?
• Have you healed from situations that left you scarred in relationships before?
• What are you looking for? Sugar Daddy?Arm Candy?Good Looking Gay friend?Lover? Boyfriend? Marriage Partner?

I urge us women who fit the description of educated, independent, strong-willed, opinionated, smart, intelligent, beautiful and stubborn  - Please don't settle or crave Men who are dominating, who expect submission to the extent of what you can wear or how you should behave, how much money you can spend, what you should and should not spend on. 

(If this character of man suits you and you have no issues at all - SUIT YOURSELF.. I WISH YOU THE BEST)

We've got to look for a balance. If I'm a strong-willed woman and an independent woman who doesn't necessarily need a man/husband to live a full and happy life, I can't go and find myself a "Daddy" and expect us to work out perfectly fine. Being the kind of woman I am, I probably need someone who understands me, treats me well emotionally, appreciates and loves my independent nature, loves the fact that he doesn't need to babysit me, and just loves that fact that I am a Whole Woman and enjoys me just the way I am.

I do not believe in fairy tales and even with the best combination of partners your relationship can still suck and hit the ground even before it takes off, however chances are less if you are patient but at the same time not lazy and you get off your bum and go find yourself a man that will Love you unconditionally. They are out there. Kudos to those who are blessed and find the right man without having to hunt. 

All I can say is - You can be the best of You . You can't be the best of anyone else and there is someone out there who wants the best of You and can bring out the best in you.

•  "MEN WHO JUST CANNOT HANDLE YOU"

Now I have a list here and I'm sorry if it offends anyone but as i said earlier, I am not counselling or giving advice. This is based on my experience and friends close to me and the general vibe I'm getting from the world out there.

For a woman who has everything she needs in life or can obtain it on her own ie;  intelligence, brains, career, financial security, material luxuries, a spiritual connection,etc           

CANNOT pursue or have a successful relationship with a man who :

1. Likes to be the decision maker in ever area of his and your life except maybe the dinner menu and the colour of your curtains.

2. Wants to have a complete hold of both of your finances and savings and purchase plans.

3. Expects you to be a Stunner by profession and an angelic presence at home.

4. Requires you to be submissive to him as the head of the house so as to agree that his WORD is final.

5. Expects you to give up your personal goals or career plans or family obligations at the drop of a hat when he feels its time for you to be completely devoted to FAMILY.

6. Suffers from a complex that you get a lot of attention at work and are preoccupied a lot leaving him dejected. 

7. Sets a curfew for you and maybe stretches by an hour if important.

8. Has conditional love for you - (My Way or The Highway)

I could almost go on and on. Again, I don't mean to offend any woman or man through this article of mine but if either does get offended because what I'm saying makes undeniable sense, I'm glad your offended. 

I would for once like us successful women to step up and take stock of our lives and see how much of it we have wasted because we have made wise choices when it came to MEN. Its not the Man's fault completely, neither is it yours. Both are equally responsible for their choices and the damage caused. Question is - Will you work around and try and compress the damage or Will you be strong enough to accept who you are , love who you are and call it a day ? One day you are going to find a partner who is going to reassure you of your very presence and Love you for the very Woman you are.

I'm hoping my readers will understand the intent and emotion with which I have written this piece and I would love to hear your stories so please do not hesitate to share them. You can stay anonymous if you please but hearing your story will give me more inspiration to keep writing for the very reason that is You.

Good Day, Guten Tag and Masah Al Khair <3

Frieda